What Am I Worth?
by DurianPeaceFighter
Summary: Lee falls into a deep depression where he questions what he's worth and abandons his team to find the answer he seeks. What will Lee discover about the world around him and himself? What new powers will he gain? And will he be allowed back into his team?


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I only own the OC's that will be listed at the end of each chapter.

What Am I Worth?

Chapter 1: Dirt

What am I worth? The thought rolled through Lee's head, like giant waves rolling across a wide and open sea, traveling no where and gaining more and more speed, yet having nothing to break against except each other. Racing thought after racing thought shattered into millions of tiny droplets of light showering back down into the wild, untamed sea of ideas and emotions. Swells of emotion bubbled and gurgled to the surface and thoughts that led to no end formed roaring whirlpools sucking anything and everything in around them.

What am I worth? This one thought was like a giant black cloud blotting out the sun, making it impossible to see the light. It festered and grew and broiled its way across the sky until it was completely dark. Winds began whipping and tearing through the air and shredded the surface of the water into hurtling drops of unintelligible thoughts. It was a jumble of chaotic disaster, nothing able to stop it. Lee felt consumed and lost, nothing to grasp onto, nothing to look towards, nothing to tell him which way was even up. Then with a sudden and painful awakening, he found it.

His face slammed into the dirt and the rest of his body went limp, melting into the ground, not wanting to get back up. He found his answer. What am I worth? I'm worth dirt. His world was suddenly filled with a mass of dirt and dust, rising from deep under water and becoming a festering would at the surface of the sea, expanding outwards for miles, becoming a seething landmass of moving sands and writhing dust. Winds swirled the particles into the air and made it hard to breath, the water lapped at it trying to destroy it, but only more of the invader erupted from the center of the growing continent.

That's what I'm worth, that's all I'm worth. Lee lay in the dirt of the practice grounds, lost deep inside and unable to find his way back out.

"Come on Lee, get up and come at me," Neji said. He stood in the ready stance of his family's fighting style and smirked. Ten-Ten sat by rooting both of them on. Then to the shock and horror of his team mates, Lee uttered three words no one would have ever dreamed of hearing come from his lips.

"I give up." He lay in the dirt, the ocean of emotion on the verge of spilling out of his eyes in torrential waterfalls, yet he managed to barely hold together. The rolling and boiling of the dirt and sand caused the foundations of his body to shake and quiver, his muscles giving in and failing from exhaustion.

"Wh-what?" Neji stood in shock as he heard what Lee had to say. Ten-Ten's jaw dropped and her eyes became wide. Lee never gave up, never.

"I give up." Lee just lay there, unable to move.

Neji ran over to his team mate, his rival, and checked Lee all over. "I'm sorry Lee! I must have hit too hard or in the wrong spot! I don't know how I could have missed like that!"

"You didn't miss," whispered Lee.

Ten-Ten knelt next to Lee and placed a hand on his forehead. "Are you feeling alright? I think you need to go to the doctor."

Lee simply lay there unresponsive and unable to even twitch an eyelid. A pool of tears was already forming as he cried silently.

Suddenly Gai sat Lee up and screamed in his face, "don't give up Lee! You can do it if you believe in the fire of youth!" He struck his signature pose with a big, shining grin.

For a moment the fire ignited within Lee, but the whipping winds and voracious waters blew it out like a mighty gale putting out a candle. Lee looked up into the eyes of his sensei and replied, "there is not fire of youth. It's pointless."

The hearts of Lee's team broke then and there seeing Lee so low. This wasn't possible, Lee was Naruto's only rival when it came to getting excited and worked up. Lee was always full of positive and happy energy, always smiling and trying harder to become someone better. But now, he claimed that it was gone and didn't exist.

Gai shook in fear and hold Lee's hands in his own. "But, Lee-."

Lee looked away and whispered, "leave me alone."

It was in this instant that Lee put up an impenetrable wall that none could get into, and one he could not escape from. The misery that Lee found himself wallowing in was now his whole world, a world he could never leave.

Neji took Ten-Ten by the hand and gently placed a hand on Gai's shoulder. "Let's go, let him cool off and get back to normal." With that the three left, each saying a silent prayer for the sake of Lee. It would be a long, long time before these prayers were answered.

-{}-

Team Guy stood at the gate of Konoha packed and ready to go. Guy turned to his team and observed them. Ten-Ten's scrolls were put away neatly and her pack was in order, Neji had his knapsack slung over his shoulder and Hisoka stood at attention, his book bag hanging loosely from his shoulder. "Alright," Gai said, "we're ready to go." He turned and began walking, the rest of Team Guy walking behind, matching the set pace which was kind of slow and relaxed.

Ten-Ten held her hands in her pockets and slumped her shoulders, Neji chewed on the piece licorice root in his mouth slowly, Hisoka looked around watching the trees and birds pass by and marveled at them. Gai walked forward, his face set and unchanging as he made his way down the road to their destination. It had been several months now since they'd seen Lee after he'd petitioned to have his ninja status revoked and moved away from the village, never contacting anyone, not even Sakura.

No one knew what exactly happened to Lee. He'd shut himself in his room nearly becoming a hermit after falling into the deep depression that one day at the training grounds. Only his mother was allowed to enter in order to bring him food and water. What she saw was a room cluttered and filled with scrolls and pieces of paper strewn across the floor and tacked to the walls. Lee would sit in the middle studying them or meditating. Little did anyone know this was probably one of the most accurate depictions of what Lee felt inside.

Then one day Lee's mom tried to enter and found an envelope tacked to the door. Inside was a letter it had read:

'Dear Mom,

I have left Konoha. You'll find in this envelope my petition to revoke my status of being a ninja. My room has been sealed with a scroll that only I can open.

Lee'

It was a complete mystery as to what had happened to Lee, a mystery that only Lee knew. Most thought he'd gone off to commit suicide or to wander the forest in a tortured state of mind. But they were wrong.

Lee sat at a small shrine, meditating. His hair had grown long and wild and he wore simple trousers and a t-shirt along with wooden sandals. He pondered to himself if his friends and family were okay, and prayed that he would be able to return to them soon. He stood and bowed to the alter, whispering his thanks and walking down the steps and back onto the dusty road. He readjusted the giant clay jug hanging from his right hip and began walking towards the town he had been aiming for.

The day was calm and quiet, the sun beat down on Lee's face warming him and giving him reason to keep going. That's the ultimate fire of youth, he thought. I want to achieve that fire, I want to harness that flame. But before I can do that, I must escape the dirt that I am surrounded by, I must free myself from the dust and sand pressing in around me, I have to break free and conquer the land. Yet no matter how hard he fought, he couldn't break free.

He had found himself in a losing battle for the last couple months as he'd traveled around the world searching for someone or something that could help him become better, but to no avail. Every dojo he entered was forced into submission by his superior taijutsu skills, every group of bandits and thugs that he came across were beaten with inches of their lives and left to rot in the nearest jails, rogue ninjas that messed with him found themselves delivered to the proper authorities to take them to their villages to be punished. But Lee knew that he couldn't defeat his ultimate opponent though, not yet.

He still couldn't grasp the simplest concept of manipulating, let alone detecting, his own chakra. He would never learn ninjutsu or genjutsu, yet he still strove to learn and master them, for he believed they would be the only way to defeat Neji and to finally claim his true goal, the eternal fire of youth.

He walked into town and observed the world pass by for just a moment. The people walked about and mingled with each other, markets selling everything from small toys to elegant paintings to groceries to specialty foods. It was a trading seaport in a country next to the Land of Fire. He eased his way into the crowd and found his way to the docks, hoping to find some work for a day so he could afford to buy some provisions. He spotted a captain of a ship yelling at several crew members walking up the beach towards town.

Lee decided to start there and over heard the last part of what the captain was screaming. "-land loving bastards! Go waste your money on all them whores and useless luxuries! And don't you ever come back to me looking for a job!"

"Excuse me, sir," Lee said softly to the captain.

"What do you want?" He was a tall, burly man that had wild hair and eyes.

"Do you need help with his ship? I can work hard for you."

"Ha! A scrawny kid like you? What can you do?" The captain began to turn away.

As he turned Lee leapt off the boat ramp and aimed for a large boulder next to the dock. The captain saw this and screamed in horror, "what the hell are you doing?"

Lee slammed a fist into the boulder causing it to disintegrate into fine particles of dust. "That's what I can do!" Lee shouted up at the man.

The captain of the ship laughed. "Well then, come aboard! I hope you don't mind going on a little trip with me do ya?"

Lee jumped up to the ship and landed on the railing crouching. "Sounds good to me. Where do I start?"

"Well first of all, you're the crew now. Well, you and the three others that are supposed to show up. I'm Kenta, and because you're just coming on I'll let you get away with calling my by name." Kenta stuck out a hand.

Lee took it and shook firmly. "Rock Lee."

"Good to have ya! Now," Kenta began informing Lee of all the things that had to be done before the clients arrived.

Some time later a group of ninja came walking up to the ship. Lee was in the bottom of the ship stacking supplies when Kenta yelled at him, "get your scrawny ass up here! Our guests have decided to show up!"

Lee found his way up the ladder and stairways to the top deck and walked out into the open space to see familiar faces.

"Lee?" Gaara almost looked surprised. "The Green Beast of Konoha? What are you doing here?"

The following characters belong to me:

Hisoka. Hisoka is an original character that I have developed and therefore is the property of DurianPeaceFighter.

The character Kenta is a "stock" character and therefore can be used by anyone.


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